The right song, dance tune, or riff can arouse her. Men, listen for your cue
Music and sex are as intertwined as two lovers' legs. Sure, men are
the stereotypical record geeks, but music pierces women just as deeply.
From Frank, Elvis, and the Beatles right up through Justin Bieber, every
girl has her early days of swooning and squealing. As we grow out of
those first flushes of longing, the role of music in our lives shifts.
It becomes a source of ecstasy and identity, of comfort and power, a
force as intense and complex and potentially transcendent as sex itself.
Just
as we women have a "type" when it comes to men, the same is true with
our musicians. Some prefer the sensitive sort with the scruffy face and
coffee shop gig, while others fall for the wild man with the dirty
stories and whiskey breath. Still others fancy the high-energy type who
keeps us dancing all night and then pulls us out of bed for a run in the
morning.
When dating, we're often less concerned with muscle
tone or facial symmetry than with ears—specifically, what a guy pipes
into his. You'd be hard-pressed to find any female music fan who hasn't
vetted a potential conquest's tastes. It's not judgment; it's knowing
yourself.
Bonding over a shared love of music can be heady. We meet a guy at
our favorite band's show and there's already an endorphin high of the
deeply loved music exploding onstage before us. Add the dark room and
the crush of the crowd all but mandating body contact, and half the work
is done. But even in workaday scenarios, like when we hear a man
humming our favorite song, meeting someone who loves the music we love
can be like an express pass into his brain, his heart. Also his pants.
Here's
the thing, though: A man's taste in music is hardly a perfect predictor
of compatibility, chemistry, or even civility. (After all, Charles
Manson had a solid record collection.) A well-fitting band T-shirt or a
thoughtful playlist can mean a man is someone whose finger we'd want on
our click wheel. But in the end, in music as in sex, it's a matter of
circumstance, of total dumb chance, of the right chemicals squirting out
into our brains at the right time. Sometimes all a woman wants or needs
is some frothy 3-minute pop nonsense to help her burrow through a
stupid life rut, and sometimes all she needs is a guy who'll do the
same.
We run a risk when we blur the lines between our men and our music.
Sometimes love festers and spoils, and the collateral damage isn't so
much to our hearts or our precious time but to whatever music got
dragged into the mess with us. What came first, the scene or the
soundtrack? Thank God you have more music; as useful as it can be in
sparking love or lust, it's even more capable of totally obliterating
bad memories.
Then sometimes the risk pays off: When I first met
the man who's now my husband, we were teenagers. At about the same time
we found ourselves falling in love with each other, we were also falling
in love with music—music that we still share, albums that still
transport us back to our earliest days together: Wilco's Yankee Hotel
Foxtrot, Neil Young's Harvest, the White Stripes's White Blood Cells.
These beloved albums are now some of my all-time favorites; I can no
more imagine my life without them than I can imagine my life without my
husband. Do I love them because I love him? Do I love him because I love
them? The answer to both questions, of course, is yes.
Rachael Maddux's greatest hits can be found at rachaelmaddux.tumblr.com
Sex and Music : Sing Your Heart Out
Any guy—yes, even you!—can pull off a serenade. The key is to not
take yourself too seriously. And to follow the advice of these experts.
1. KNOW YOUR LIMITS
Take
it from a pro who knows: "If you can barely play guitar, don't try to
tackle a Hendrix song. If you can barely sing, don't try to be Sinatra,"
says country singer Easton Corbin, whose album All Over the Road hit
shelves in September. Keep it simple—and show some confidence,
regardless of your vocal abilities. "Most women just want you to own the
moment that you have created for them," says Corbin.
2. BUT MAYBE LEARN GUITAR
Mastery
of an instrument can imply mastery elsewhere, says Moushumi Ghose,
M.A., M.F.T., a sex therapist based in Los Angeles. "Women really crave
someone who is fearless and who can maneuver through the world," she
says. Your obvious choice: guitar. "The acoustic guitar evokes a lot of
emotion," Ghose says. "It's a stripped-down instrument—there's not a lot
of frills." Nearly half the women surveyed said it's the sexiest
instrument (followed by piano at 26 percent).
3. STOP WORRYING
Our
survey reveals that it really doesn't matter whether you sound like
Jason Mraz or Tom Waits. What's important is that you don't make the
performance too intense. Likewise, Corbin says, "Don't choose a song
that's too serious. Go with one that reinforces your feelings for her,
without being a cliched wedding song." Ghose concurs: "Be truly genuine
and honest about what you're singing. That's what can make a connection
happen."
4. CHOOSE YOUR SETTING CAREFULLY
Spare
her the bedroom serenade. What Corbin suggests: Build a backyard
campfire after dinner one night and fire up your vocal cords then. That
way it feels less like an awkward musician-audience scene, and she won't
feel pressure to nod or sing along as she listens. And don't freak if
the lyrics suddenly escape you: "Just hum the tune. It'll still go over
well with your girl," Corbin says. Romance covers all flaws.
5. HAVE HER JOIN IN
A
2009 study in BMC Neuroscience shows that when people played music
together, their brain waves synced up. "There's tremendous intimacy in
making music together, and making music is very physical," says Meghan
Hinman, M.A., M.T.-B.C., L.C.A.T., a psychotherapist who practices music
therapy with couples. Music engages your limbic brain, or emotional
center, and can help you express your feelings, she says. Bonus (maybe):
"Music is often a mirror for what's happening in the relationship."
6. TAKE IT ON THE ROAD
Harness
all that emotion and physicality and go public at a friendly karaoke
gathering. "There's an adrenaline rush that comes with being in front of
a crowd," Hinman says. That makes for a great memory, and the thrill
can carry over to the bedroom. You can be Marvin Gaye to her Tammi
Terrell—try "Ain't No Mountain High Enough," a crowd pleaser that builds
to a, well, climax.
